"Today we have the god Gerrard, whose presence on the park delights his followers and whose absence makes them miserable for the whole of the following week;
"Today we have the god Lotto, who promises us the earth but is very reluctant to share his gifts;
"Today we have the god Nike, whose symbol, the swoosh, we wear on our clothes and footwear so we know other people think we look acceptable;
"Today we have the god Viagra, who promises to increase our sexual potency and reduce our sexual anxiety;
"And today we have the god Asda, a giant who provides all the food and drink we could ever need and whose priests are dressed in bright lime-coloured robes.
"I think we are just like the ancient Greeks today. We fill our cities with altars to all sorts of gods, but there's still a small voice in our ears suggesting there's an unknown god around."