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john davies
notes from a small vicar
from a parish
in Liverpool, UK

    Wednesday, March 03, 2004
    Seeking 'safe'
     
    "Identify an area you think of as 'safe' and use it as an anchor", my desktop Oblique Strategies advises me tonight. Good advice at a time of great change. Like a storm-crossed vessel I've been shifting about restlessly since Monday, in an unceasing cycle of clearing spaces, opening boxes, selecting locations, constructing storage, switching furniture, filling shelves. Starting over. Living in the manic moment.

    I really could do with finding an anchor. But those areas I think of as 'safe' don't feel safe just now.

    Home is usually 'safe', my space. But this week home has belonged as much to an interminable flow of removal men, painters, electricians, well-wishers, gas-fitters, plumbers, parents, plasterers, friends, as to me. My head is usually 'safe', but this week it's been all over the place. My desk is usually 'safe', but this is a new one and only half-constructed. The district is usually 'safe', but I don't know this one yet. Prayer is usually 'safe', but I'm dumb before my maker and strung-out on Ikea just now.

    There's the webspace, of course, shared with diverse valuable people whose web-company I enjoy (eg, see sidebar - check the various takes on last weekend's Greenbelt Angels gathering) - but for all that, it's not 'safe': vulnerable to dial-up protocol collapses and inflammatory comments, a meagre substitute for being with people (eg, last w/e again).

    I know that safety will come; and strangely, through all of the above. Because even each manic moment has brought me one step closer to stability again. Settling in. Seen that way even the punishing Ikea runs I've dragged myself on may yet prove redemptive.