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john davies
notes from a small vicar
from a parish
in Liverpool, UK

    Sunday, May 18, 2008
    Beasley Boulevard
     
    Delighted to see John Cooper Clarke on stage in Liverpoool last night. He has updated an all-time classic poem for the Urban Splash regeneration generation. When I was on my M62 walk I couldn't find Beasley Street anywhere in Salford; perhaps I should have been searching the warehouse loft conversions and tasteful terrace makeovers instead, for Beasley Boulevard:
    Low-slung shady basement gaffs
    Rooms of empty sound
    Strip ribbon casements
    With venetians halfway down
    The Hocksten fin
    With a nervous trim
    And a fragrant disregard
    It's an urban splash-art ghetto gym
    Beasley Boulevard

    Slates hung glutted and sated
    Hunger has no home
    Pampered, preened and patinated
    In a multi-cultural tone
    Looking good but lose the 'hood
    Or lose your loyalty card
    Here comes the neighbourhood
    Beasley Boulevard

    Noodle bars and poodle parlours
    Studio bronze and ask
    A street art tart in slashed pyjamas
    And an Alfred E Neuman mask
    Anything could happen
    But it hardly ever does
    There's a pub but the regulars are barred
    Nobody there to harsh your buzz
    On Beasley Boulevard

    The Mall - the Maul - whatever you call it
    Serves those glittering hoardes
    Split decision spoilt for choice
    And, anyway, ignored
    You wanna shop where you don't need a cop
    And nobody swipes your card
    A fair deal and a bit on top it's
    Beasley Boulevard

    The fat man's grocer
    The fop's outfitter
    And the drunkard's licensee
    And the guy who's giving everyone the jitters
    Who's never been on TV.
    'Never been on TV,' you say, 'How very avant garde!'
    Black and white is pink and grey
    Down Beasley Boulevard

    A stringent disinfectant
    With a most intrusive scent
    Wreaking violence on anyone
    Of an olfactorial bent
    While health and safety
    The bete-din
    And the guys at Scotland Yard
    Keep the area free from sin
    Beasley Boulevard

    Ring-a-ding-ding regime change
    A long way overdue
    But the dogs are gone and it's pale and strange
    With a whole new kind of you
    It's better than Paradise
    If you don't look too hard
    Made over nice n nice
    A B&B you wouldn't be without
    The BBC did a DVD about
    BB Keys came to see about
    BB King did a song in E about
    A Garden of Eden in every yard
    A phone box cleared of hookers' cards
    They've got to promenade
    On teasy wheezy easy-peasy
    Beasley Boulevard

    Words transcribed by a JCC fan from a radio performance and posted on
    Manchester Alternative Comedy Forum